The first time I ever talked to a medical professional about my Depression was sophomore year of college. It was spring and I was so exhausted, unhappy, emotional and worse- I didn't know why. I was trying to explain how little I was sleeping and eating and the Dr. interrupted me with a question: "Do you get weepy like this often?"
Of course. So i got out of there with a prescription, and some hope. It didn't stay long and it was another four years before I tried medication again.
Here I am a medicated full year after an insurmountable episode and I'm feeling sad. SAD. Sad. I can't even begin to express the frustration of trying different medications, tweaking one or two, calling my psychiatrist for worsening symptoms and having to tell my boyfriend that my medication was changing again. It could be for the worse or the better, but it's in the hope of Better.
Everything I do is in the hope that someday I will feel whole, that this new sad feeling isn't a set back, isn't foreshadowing another difficult year and it's because I wake up when it's dark outside and it's dark when I leave work. I haven't adjusted well to the equinox.
Now I have a light therapy lamp, a bump in my meds and another small piece of hope.
stumbled upon your blog and the title of this caught my eye.
ReplyDeleteI've been there: the deep pit of despair, the inability to function, the weepiness and the doctors and psychologists and psychiatrists' offices.
After a particularly desperate year and a half, I started seeing a psychologist who specializes in CBT. That combined with several other lifestyle tweaks and I feel better. Not happy 100% of the time, but it has helped.
Hang in there, it'll get better for you too.
xo
Thank you so much for your kind words. I've heard a lot of success stories about CBT- and it may be something I need to talk to my psychiatrist about.
DeleteI'm glad you are on the Better Side.