When We Talk About Fate

The last six months have been difficult, to say the least. But I find myself waking up each morning a little more hopeful than the last.
I know now that even if my relationship ends, I lose my job, I lose money, I lose Love, I still have myself. This is Big. It's a Big Idea. One I never thought with which I would be comfortable. I will have myself, I will not be alone.
I've spent the majority of my life feeling lonely. Feeling an overwhelming lack of being. My nutritionist calls it "feelings of inadequacy." But it was more than that. It was a knowledge, or so I thought, that there was something inherently different about me. That I was missing something so fundamentally human, I would never be whole. So I tried to fill the holes. But nothing fit. It was never enough.

I am now in 25 and I found what I was looking for. It was Me. It was the "I." It was April. In all her emotional, quirky, funny, and romantic Being.



The Beginning, or About Me

I'm not sure where to start.
I'm 25. I live in Seattle. I have a job. I have a Pug. I have a boyfriend. My name is April.
As of today, I have been seeing a therapist for 9 months. A psychiatrist for 8. A nutritionist for 1 month. The sum of my days can be measured in insurance bills, time off requests, and calories.
I hope I'm not too vague- and I'm sure there will be more than enough time and tears to fill a thousand blogs in the future.

Update 8/27/2012
Therapy: One year
Psychiatrist: 11 months
Nutritionist: 4 months.
Pug: 8 months.